JOHN: Sure. Go early and set up your room.
Make sure you have Norepinephrine, Epinephrine, Nitroglycerin, and Insulin drips setup and pumps primed. Reassure the patient that you know what you're doing...they'll probably be anxious; give them midazolam if you need to. Place their arterial line awake, and then induce them with thiopental, or if their EF is too low, use etomidate and fentanyl. Put the endotracheal tube in the top hole, and then place the MAC introducer and PAC in their Right IJ. Give them some heparin before going on CPB, some protamine/CaCl2 after coming off. Optimize your drips while coming off CPB, and drop the patient off in the CTICU. Voila! You're golden...
ME: Okay, first you're going to make your cookie. Roll out your dough. This is while sitting in your straddle.Ask each girl what they want on their cookie. Put in the oven, make sure you blow on it.. EAT IT! Ask them what color butterfly they are today and where they would like to fly. They love the butterfly catcher! Let them each do this once- that would be 13 times.
Make a table, one broken leg, another broken leg, One broken arm, oops, fall down!
Now say "hello" to your knees. "Hello" ceiling! Now Make an "X" and snore. WAKE UP!
Clap your hands and Hug each other....all 13 of them. Now line them all up in a straight line. They don't know what this is.
Now kiss you feet in first position and....
Needless to say, we were thankful for our jobs at the end of the conversation.